Not Wonderful

I'm having a rough week. Haven't broken diet, but am having some serious issues. Still poo-ing my brains out, added some panic induced vomiting into the mix. I'm a big emo mess right now.

I'm still keeping track of food intake & numbers & such, and intend to report in on a day when I don't spend half or more of said day shaking in my shoes from panic.

Life is stressful, and I've stopped self-medicating with food.

The Weekend & Checking In

There are no crunchy bits for this post. Its ALL froo-froo.
This past weekend I was sick. I'd been sick most of the week, hadn't slept solidly all week, and thus, took the weekend off. From everything.
I rested. I played a video game & then rested some more. I'm feeling a bit better now, and I'm glad I did it.

On the up side, I've lost four more pounts. I now weigh 228.5 for a total of 18 pounds lost. This is happy making.

So that's my weekend & check it.

Tuesday 06/12 & Wednesday 06/13

The Crunchy Bits:

06/12
Blood Pressure 122/79
Pulse 84

Blood Sugars
5:15 AM 64
10:30 AM 107
12:00 PM 109
no bs
no bs
no bs

Breakfast Breakfast smoothie

Snack Swiss chard salad w/ 1/4 cucumber, 1/4 beet, 1/2 avocado & 2 tbsp of vinegerette

Lunch 1 c dal w/ 3/4 c almonds

Snack 3 celery stalks, 1/2 cucumber & 1/4 c. almond butter

Dinner 2 scrambled eggs

Exercise AM Yoga, 15 min walk

06/13
Blood Pressure 132/84
Pulse 96

Blood Sugars 6:45 AM 44
10:00 AM 56
12:00 PM 81
4:00 PM 97
8:00 PM 68


Breakfast 1/4 c pineapple, 1/4 c almonds

Snack breakfast smoothie

Lunch 1c dal, 1/4 c almonds, 1/4 c guacamole, 1.5 celery stalks

Snack 1/4 c. guacamole, 1.5 celery stalks & 1/2 cucumber

Dinner 4 oz tilapia, dinner smoothie, 1 c steamed broccoli

Exercise 15 min walk

The Froo-Froo Bits:
Tuesday afternoon I got SICK. I was running to the bathroom every 10 min for a while. Then every 5. Then I tapered off enough to get home (thank whatever gods may be!), and it all started up again in the middle of the night. I finally go back to bed around 3:30 AM.

So, my schedule was SHOT!! I still kept mostly on diet, and routine, though I did skip yoga yesterday. Still, I managed well, with no serious highs and only one serious low (didn't lose consciousness, but did get odd tingles in my hands & feet).

So, I gave myself yesterday off from blogging. Why? Because there are just some times when its ill advised to interact with the world any more than absolutely necessary. Yesterday was one of those times.

Monday 06/11

The Crunchy Bits:
Weight 232.5
Blood Pressure 131/82
Pulse 90

Blood Sugars
5:00 AM 130
12:00 PM 190
4:00 PM 130
8:00 PM 75


Breakfast Breakfast Smoothie

Snack

Lunch Swiss chard salad w/ 1/4 cucumber, 1/4 beet, 1/2 avocado & 2 tbsp of vinegerette
1 c dal

Snack 1/4 c almond butter, 3 celery stalks & 1/2 cucumber

Dinner 4 oz tilapia & dinner smoothie

Exercise AM Yoga, 20 min walk

The Froo-Froo Bits:
This was a good day, despite its start. I had a "purge" day. I went to the bathroom 7 times before noon. Yeah. 'Nuff said about THAT. Other than that, and the late start to the day that it caused, this was a good day.
We tried something new. We split up the bitter melon, and I ate half in a my breakfast smoothie & half with a dinner smoothie. Bitter melon is VERY bitter, and also very odd textured. Mr. Primack advises that all diabetics eat half in the AM and half later in the day. We'd been putting all of it in the morning, and we've decided that its okay to have smoothie twice a day. My hope is that by splitting up the bitter melon, I'll be able to reduce my insulin even more. Maybe. We'll see, won't we.

Cravings

I'm having a wicked cravings day. It has nothing to do with hunger. I've eaten. My stomach is filled with veggies & I've had enough for this point in the day. This is an emotional craving, and I'm pretty certain its simply for familiar food. I want a cheeseburger on a toasty bun, tater tots with ketchup, and a cup of strong coffee. All of it bad for me in one way or another, but its all FAMILIAR.

I've been making a lot of changes, and those have led to other changes. I feel right now like I'm flailing around looking for a recognizable landmark in unfamiliar territory. There aren't any, and so. . .cheeseburger.

I'm not going there, but by all the gods you care to invoke, I REALLY want to.

Checking In

So, I'll admit, I panicked a little all weekend. Looming (in my head anyway) was the scale, mocking me. I was convinced that SOMETHING was broken inside me, and that it didn't matter what I did, eventually the thing I was trying would fail & I'd start gaining weight.

Yeah, I'm a dork. The scale did NOT mock me this morning. Quite to the contrary, it told me that I now weigh 232.5. That's down from last week's 237, and a total of 14 pounds lost so far.

That's really good. Its HARD for diabetics to lose weight. REALLY hard. Like doctor acknowledged, many medical journal articles written about, self-help groups created for hard. Its hard for anyone to lose weight, but for some reason, diabetics get hit harder. On the upside, for every pound a diabetic loses, he/she gets the health benefits of 2 pounds lost (please note: if you're reading this & you're doc has told you to lose weight, please don't be an ass and think "well, doc said lose 10 lbs. but I only have to lose 5!". Nope. that's not how this works, & you know it.). I'd still rather have an easier time getting this bulk off my bod, but hey, I'll take what I can get!

More important to me than this weight loss is the energy gain. I have ENERGY!! I feel better, I can walk better & farther. My toes don't go numb as quickly as they did, and sometimes not at all! I am waking up more awake, and going to bed and sleeping better. Yeah, there are down sides (we've already had the gross poo discussion. I don't think that needs repeating.), but the up sides are SO DRAMATIC (please note the all caps for dramatic emphasis) that I'm willing to overlook those. Those things are what I clung to last week after I'd gained a pound. I told myself that it didn't matter. It was just one weigh in, and I'd have a lot of those to get through, and some of them would suck; like this one did. I spent most days last week reminding myself to just keep going. Honestly, by Thursday morning, I felt like the Little Engine That Could, and got somewhat sick of myself! I kept going anyway.

It worked. I just have to remember to measure & not sweat the numbers around menstruation. We'll see if I can remember this sage advice next month!

Friday 06/08 through Sunday 06/10

The Crunchy Bits:

Date 06/08
Blood Pressure 122/78
Pulse 70

Blood Sugars 5:15 AM 75
10:30 AM 105
12:00 PM 100
4:00 PM 85
NO bs
no bs

Breakfast Breakfast Smoothie

Snack Swiss chard salad w/ 2 tbsp dressing, 1/2 avocado, 1/4 beet, 1/4 cucumber & 1 oz walnuts

Lunch 1 c dal, 3/4 c toasted almonds

Snack 1/4 c guacamole, 2 carrots & 1/4 cucumber

Dinner 2 bean & nut burgers (1c mix total), 1/4 avocado, 1/3 cucumber, 1/4 tomato, 1 tbsp ketchup

Exercise AM yoga, 10 min walk

Date 06/09
Blood Pressure 119/84
Pulse 84

Blood Sugars
7:00 AM 81
10:30 AM 109
12:30 PM 100
4:00 PM 85
7:30 PM 80


Breakfast 1/2 breakfast smoothie

Snack 1/2 breakfast smoothie, 1/2 c. almonds & walnuts

Lunch 1/2 cucumber, 1/2 avocado, 1 plum tomato (small) 2 tbsp balsamic vinegerette & 1 scrambled egg

Snack 3 celery stalks, 1/4 c. almond butter

Dinner 1 bean burger, 2 tsp ketchup, 1 c dal, 1/2 c. broccoli.

Exercise no

Date 06/10
Blood Pressure 107/77
Pulse 82

Blood Sugars
6:45 AM 87
1:00 PM 79
3:45 PM 126



Breakfast 1/4 c walnuts, 1/2 breakfast smoothie

Snack

Lunch 1/2 breakfast smoothie, 1 c dal

Snack 1 black bean burger, 1/4 avocado, 2 tsp ketchup

Dinner 3 c. broccoli in garlic sauce & 1 c black beans

Exercise

The Froo-Froo Bits:
This was a very quiet & relaxing end to a VERY stressed out and bad week. I have no shame in admitting to any/all of you that I was a mess this week. Not entirely certain why.

Thursday 06/07

The Crunchy Bits:

Blood Pressure 131/86
Pulse 85

Blood Sugars
6:30 AM 57
no bs
12:00 PM 76
4:00 PM 108
7:00 PM 82


Breakfast 1/3 breakfast smoothie (drank half, threw it up, drank 1/3 later)

Snack no snack

Lunch Swiss chard salad w/ 2 tbsp dressing, 1/2 avocado, 1/4 beet, 1/4 cucumber & 1 oz walnuts & 1 c curried garbanzos w/ 1 c cauliflower

Snack 1/4 c. almond butter w/ 3 celery stalks & 1/2 cucumber

Dinner 2 scrambled eggs, 1 c refried beans, 1/2 c guacamole

Exercise 15 min walk

The Froo-Froo Bits:
This was another crappy day. I puked up most of breakfast while enjoying yet another headache-cum-panic attack. That was fun. Not really.
I didn't get yoga done (I was busy throwing up), and I only got a 15 minute walk in. I'm not going to fuss too much over that. I gave what I had; can't do more than that.

Wednesday 06/06

The Crunchy Bits:

Blood Pressure 130/83
Pulse 82

Blood Sugars
7:00 AM 121
no bs
12:00 PM 130
4:00 PM 103
7:00 PM 78
10:00 PM 105

Breakfast Breakfast smoothie

Snack

Lunch Swiss chard salad w/ 2 tbsp dressing, 1/2 avocado, 1/4 beet, 1/4 cucumber & 1 oz walnuts & 1 c dal

Snack 1/4 c. almond butter w/ 3 celery stalks & 1/2 cucumber

Dinner 1c curried garbanzos & 1 c steamed cauliflower

Exercise AM Yoga, 15 min walk

The Froo-Froo Bits:

This was a bad day in the emotions dept. I have days like this one sometimes, and they are just sucktastic. Everything is too much. The world, in my perception, is too loud, too bright, too crowded, too busy. Its jarring and confusing and all I really want to do is to run home and pull my blankie up over my head. However, hiding under one's blankie doesn't exactly get the bills paid, now does it? (if you've found some magic way to both hide under your blankie and get the bills paid, please share?)

I hate days like this. No amount of reasoning with myself, kicking my own butt, or otherwise cajoling helps. Before we started doing this diet, food didn't exactly help, but it did buffer. I can't do that anymore. So, now I have to slog through the jagged mess that is my brain, and hope that it stops soon.

So far, the jagged mess is kicking my ass. Here's hoping for a second wind sometime soon.

Kate's Corner - Tuesday 06/05

The Crunchy Bits:

Blood Pressure 144/85
Pulse 78

Blood Sugars
5:00 AM 76
10: 30 AM 119
12: 00 PM 111
4:00 PM 69
7:00 PM 52
no bs

Breakfast Breakfast smoothie

Snack Swiss chard salad w/ 2 tbsp dressing, 1/2 avocado, 1/4 beet, 1/4 cucumber & 1/2 oz walnuts

Lunch 1/2 c dal & 1/2 oz walnuts

Snack 1/4 c humus w 3 celery stalks & 1/2 cucumber

Dinner 7 falafel w/ 1/2 c. hummus

Exercise AM yoga, 10 min walk, 20 min walk

The Froo-Froo Bits:
This started out a good day. Got up & moving & out the door on time. Did what I was supposed to most of the day. Had a GREAT afternoon walk. Unfortunately, in my measuring zeal, I didn't bring enough food for the day, and by dinner my blood sugar crashed HARD. As you can see above, it was 52. The doctor's don't much like it going too far below 70. That killed the evening. I ate dinner & passed out, because that's what I had the energy for.

Its a balancing act, and some days are more balanced than others. In my experience, its the days that are almost perfect that bite you in the ass - at least where diabetes is concerned.

Kate's Corner - Rough Day

So, some of you may (or may not) have noticed that there was no "Checking In" post yesterday.

Well, yesterday blew chunks as days go. I woke up w/ a headache. Weighed in and realized that I'd gained a pound. Nick had a panic attack, and it was the busiest day of my work schedule for the pay period.

I did it. I didn't do it well, but I stuck to my diet. Not much else happened in the record keeping department. I've been wrestling with the idea all damned day of trying to "catch up".

Know what? Catching up is crap, at least in this instance. I'm giving myself this one pass. There are no cheeseburgers involved, and that's what's making it okay.

I won't make a regular occurrence of this decided lack of enthusiasm regarding my blogging on this, however my humanity reared its ugly head yesterday and said "Bitch, choose which thing you won't be getting done today!". So I did.

As to the weight gain, I figured that out. I had been eyeballing my measurements. Come to find out, my eyeballs are far too generous. So, I'm back to measuring everything. I've eliminated what little grazing I was doing. I'm not too worried about it. I'm still increasing my exercise & eating the right things. My sugar is still good.

On the diet front, things are good.
On all other fronts, things are getting better.

Kate's Corner - 05/31

The Crunch Bits:

Blood Pressure 130/80 pulse 78

Blood Sugars
5:00 AM
79
10:30 AM 90
12:00 PM 80
4:00 PM 106
7:00 PM 78
no bs

Breakfast Breakfast Smoothie

Snack Swiss chard salad w/ 1/2 avocado, 1/4 cucumber, 1/4 beet & 2 tbsp newmans own dressing & 1/4 c walnuts

Lunch 1 c refried beans

Snack 1/4 c. hummus w/ 3 celery stalks & 1/4 cucumber

Dinner 1 c broccoli w/ garlic sauce

Exercise AM Yoga, 15 min walk

The Froo-Froo Bits:
I was pretty tired today, so I didn't get anything extra done. Still, it was a good day.