Preconceptiosn

I was talking last night w/ my acupuncture dude. He was mentioning that he's treated a lot of people with some serious chronic conditions (like mine was implied), and that he had noted that the level of progress that I'd attained had more to do with not losing hope than with the actual mechanics of what I was doing. What amused me was that I told him how my mother existed, and how I watched her die, and that I'd decided that I wasn't going down that road. "Once you've decided to truly live - not just exist, its just a matter of figuring out what works to make that happen!" I opined. You should have seen those eyebrows raise! "JUST -" he laughed.

It really is that simple. I've made a lot of changes, and probably have a lot more to make. I'll make them too. I'm not afraid of change, nor am I afraid of changing.

I've noticed that many people are afraid of change, and of changing. I believe that this is because they carry preconceptions about what those changes will bring, both within and outside of themselves within their lives. They believe that no one will like/love them. They believe that they are betraying someone that they love. They believe that they won't get that promotion. They believe a lot of things.

Well, I'll happily admit that I'm not that old, nor that wise, but I've learned a couple of things, and I'm going to share them.

Change does in fact hurt. It won't kill you, and often not changing will

If you are able to love yourself - truly love yourself - you will always be loved (and NO, I don't just mean by yourself!).

Those who would spurn you for improving yourself never really loved the true you. They probably didn't really know you either.

It is not a betrayal of someone who you love to be your best for them.

If improving yourself blocks that promotion, that job/position probably isn't healthy.

If you operate from a place of love, you cannot change so much that you lose everything - just the things that hold you back from being your best self.

Change hurts, but is a good hurt. Like the morning after yoga class. You hurt like hell, but still feel like you've done something really truly GOOD for yourself.

The key to change: Drop your preconceived ideas. ALL of them. Those conceptions about food - bury them. Those conceptions about exercise - destroy them. Those notions about what "Nice girls" or "good boys" or "Strong Men/Women" are - OBLITERATE THEM.

I mean it. Get rid of those preconceptions. They are what held me back for a long time, and the more I look around, the more I see preconceptions holding others back as well. The rules I live by are changing daily, but the one that I have held onto, the one that I honestly don't see going away is a simple measure - "Is this a loving act?". If so, then its okay. If not - I probably shouldn't do it. Even things that are good for one, if done in a spirit of punishment or guilt will fester and rot within oneself. You don't really need me to tell you this. You know it! Everyone of us that is born on this planet knows this. Yet we block this inherent knowledge with social mores, and POOF a preconception is born.

So, for those of you out there who bother to read this blog, and are suffering, please - Love yourself first and best. The rest will follow from there. The other thing: Don't stop loving yourself first and best.

May you find the ability within yourself to stop existing and start living.

Falling down

This week, despite working my ass off, I lost no weight. I know why this happened, its because I fell down on my eating.

I've discovered that losing weight - at least for me - is like a complicated (possibly Vulcan) chess game. Just when I think I'm getting ahead, I make a stupid move, or my body decides that its just happy with this work out routine/diet/whatever, and BLAMO - no weight loss.

This time, its all on me. I worked out hard, and then blew it right out of the water by eating badly for a couple of days. It drove home a very important lesson for me. I'm not "dieting". I'm changing the way I live my life, and a part of that is changing the way I eat. I fell back into an old eating pattern, and have rather quickly realized just why I stopped eating that way.

So, I fell down. I got up, dusted off, and I'm going to keep on the path that I've started down. Just gotta mind those potholes and step around them.

Yoga - the relaxing torturer

Okay, that might have been a bit overly dramatic.

Last night I went to my yoga class. I came out of it feeling relaxed and energetic.

This morning, I woke up feeling like someone had taken a baseball bat to my midsection.

Gentle they said.
Theraputic they said.
Relaxing they said.

HOLY CRAP!!

I know I'm out of shape. REALLY out of shape. I'm getting in better shape, and yoga is part of that process. I'm going to stick with this, but holy crapasaurus Batman, this is ouchy today!

I've spent most of today reminding myself to keep breathing deeply and evenly. The only thing I did to accomodate this was to skip my morning 15 min of aerobic activity (exercise bike), the rest of my work out routine is rather firmly in place, and has been being executed. . .just a little more slowly.

That's the key I'm told. You keep going. If it aches, you keep going. When its sharp pain, you get it looked at and then keep going, but you keep going.

I'm hittin' the rough patches now. They hurt.