I didn't weigh myself this week. Not because I don't want to, but my brain has been busy. You see, I got a new Continuous Glugose Montior last week, and got my training & "installation" last Friday.
Its going well. Aside from the fun of announcing "BEHOLD MY CYBORGIAN GREATNESS" to people in stentorian tones before showing it to them (and it IS Tons of fun), I'm having myself being kept busy by keeping an eye on it. I have to calibrate it every 12 hours, and I find myself constantly curious as to how its measuring up (literally) compared to my blood sugar meter.
My control has ALREADY tightened. Accountability - WHO KNEW?!? Seriously, its making me think about EVERYTHING I put in my mouth - And if I don't on the front end, I sure as HELL do on the back end! I'm seeing the results of what my actions are, and sometimes what they aren't. Its endlessly fascinating . . .for now.
Also, this week the bathroom with my scale has a visitor sleeping outside it.
I'm still doing good. I've done Yoga 4 mornings out of 5 so far. Took Wednesday mornings off for the past 2 weeks, and this past weekend was my monthly cycle, on which one isn't supposed to do yoga - a point which I actually agree with, having tried it one month to my detriment! Nearly passed out from blood pressure fluctuations. Bad idea. Yogis know their stuff, and aren't as anti-women on that one as I'd originally thought. Walking has been going good, but I found quickly that I really - NO REALLY - need my sneakers to do it without the pain. Docs aren't walking shoes. THE END.
So, so far so good. Haven't been food nazi-ing - yet. Planning that joy-filled step for after the holidays.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Sudden Changes
It never ceases to amaze me just how quickly my body responds to my making good choices and doing what's healthy.
Its only been 2 days of exercising, and I"m already seeing a shift in my blood sugar and my blood sugar patterns. For those of you who aren't familiar with Diabetes, what I'm referring to is first the actual number on the screen of my glucose monitor, and the second is the wave that would make if I were to graph an entire day of readings.
My blood sugar has already dropped. The pattern has changed to require a small snack in the morning.
That's after only 2 days.
My body wants to be healthy, if only the rest of me would come along for the ride.
I think I'm finally on board with myself. Quite possibly for the first time in my life.
Its only been 2 days of exercising, and I"m already seeing a shift in my blood sugar and my blood sugar patterns. For those of you who aren't familiar with Diabetes, what I'm referring to is first the actual number on the screen of my glucose monitor, and the second is the wave that would make if I were to graph an entire day of readings.
My blood sugar has already dropped. The pattern has changed to require a small snack in the morning.
That's after only 2 days.
My body wants to be healthy, if only the rest of me would come along for the ride.
I think I'm finally on board with myself. Quite possibly for the first time in my life.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Moving
Moving is scary. I'm not talking about packing up your stuff into little boxes and changing house. I'm talking about getting up off your butt, and well. . .moving.
I'm not 100% sure why exactly. It just is to me. I can control EVERYTHING from sitting on my butt. I've made a life long study of it. The problem is that it will be an all too brief lifelong study if I don't stopy this study and get off my butt and MOVE.
I like yoga, but its scary too. Its moving in one place. I have to balance, which is tricky. and I have to stretch which is tricky and ouchy. I still like it when I find myself in the pose, and it feels like I'm doing it right and I just breathe. For that moment, I like yoga.
All other types of exercise are CRAP. I hate them. They scare me, to the point where I found myself dissociating during my walk today. That's a new one, incidentally. Never used to do that - that I remember anyway.
I didn't used to be like this. Once upon a time, I was an active and energetic kid. Then I was diagnosed with diabetes, and my mother panicked. She instilled in me a fear that if I was active, my sugar would drop and I would die. Life being the utterly ironic scenario that it is, I'm having the opposite problem. If I don't get off my butt and move more, I will die WAY too young.
So, I'm moving more. I'm getting up and walking around the building on my breaks. Not outside. Its December and I'm in DC - too f-ing cold! But inside, in the nice wide, flat hallways, I'm walking more.
Its terrifying. Its tiring. And I can't even do what other do and reward myself with something tasty. . .
::SIGH:: This is going to be okay. I know it will. I've just got to get over a few mental hiccups, and everything will be fine.
::Grabs big shovel, places it in wheel barrow:: Time to shovel some MORE emotional shit! Oh joy, oh rapture, oh BARF!
I'm not 100% sure why exactly. It just is to me. I can control EVERYTHING from sitting on my butt. I've made a life long study of it. The problem is that it will be an all too brief lifelong study if I don't stopy this study and get off my butt and MOVE.
I like yoga, but its scary too. Its moving in one place. I have to balance, which is tricky. and I have to stretch which is tricky and ouchy. I still like it when I find myself in the pose, and it feels like I'm doing it right and I just breathe. For that moment, I like yoga.
All other types of exercise are CRAP. I hate them. They scare me, to the point where I found myself dissociating during my walk today. That's a new one, incidentally. Never used to do that - that I remember anyway.
I didn't used to be like this. Once upon a time, I was an active and energetic kid. Then I was diagnosed with diabetes, and my mother panicked. She instilled in me a fear that if I was active, my sugar would drop and I would die. Life being the utterly ironic scenario that it is, I'm having the opposite problem. If I don't get off my butt and move more, I will die WAY too young.
So, I'm moving more. I'm getting up and walking around the building on my breaks. Not outside. Its December and I'm in DC - too f-ing cold! But inside, in the nice wide, flat hallways, I'm walking more.
Its terrifying. Its tiring. And I can't even do what other do and reward myself with something tasty. . .
::SIGH:: This is going to be okay. I know it will. I've just got to get over a few mental hiccups, and everything will be fine.
::Grabs big shovel, places it in wheel barrow:: Time to shovel some MORE emotional shit! Oh joy, oh rapture, oh BARF!
AND SHE'S OFF
So, I've made an executive decision!
Well, its a decision anyway. I'm bringing everyone who keeps reading this along for the ride on my weight-loss journey! Aren't you THRILLED?!?!?!
You are the lucky ones who get to hear my griping & bitching about how much I hate exercise! You are the ones who get to hear what my weight is on any given week! You get to come with me on the joy-filled ride of doom!
Seriously, I'm probably going to post once a week,and report how the week went for weight-loss. Just to keep myself honest on the weekend, I've designated Monday as my weigh in day.
Today I weight 235.5 lbs according to my bathroom scale, which is pretty accurate (or so I'm surmising as it matches my doctor's scales).
My plan for this week:
AM Yoga for Weight Loss (light 27 minute stretch)
Lunch time walk - NO EXCUSES UNLESS DEAD
Afternoon break walk - optional depending on energy level & blood sugar.
PM Yoga for Weight Loss ( another light 27 minute stretch)
Plenty of sleep.
at least 3 liters of water a day
No more than 1 serving of any given meal (this is MUCH harder at dinner time, which is my low point of the day).
So, that's the plan for this week. We'll see how it goes.
I'm not doing much more than portion control for diet at this time, as a dietitian has said that I'm doing okay with choices, given the restrictions in place (i.e. low potassium, low protein, low carb, low fat). I need to get active & control my portions.
So, here we go. . .
Well, its a decision anyway. I'm bringing everyone who keeps reading this along for the ride on my weight-loss journey! Aren't you THRILLED?!?!?!
You are the lucky ones who get to hear my griping & bitching about how much I hate exercise! You are the ones who get to hear what my weight is on any given week! You get to come with me on the joy-filled ride of doom!
Seriously, I'm probably going to post once a week,and report how the week went for weight-loss. Just to keep myself honest on the weekend, I've designated Monday as my weigh in day.
Today I weight 235.5 lbs according to my bathroom scale, which is pretty accurate (or so I'm surmising as it matches my doctor's scales).
My plan for this week:
AM Yoga for Weight Loss (light 27 minute stretch)
Lunch time walk - NO EXCUSES UNLESS DEAD
Afternoon break walk - optional depending on energy level & blood sugar.
PM Yoga for Weight Loss ( another light 27 minute stretch)
Plenty of sleep.
at least 3 liters of water a day
No more than 1 serving of any given meal (this is MUCH harder at dinner time, which is my low point of the day).
So, that's the plan for this week. We'll see how it goes.
I'm not doing much more than portion control for diet at this time, as a dietitian has said that I'm doing okay with choices, given the restrictions in place (i.e. low potassium, low protein, low carb, low fat). I need to get active & control my portions.
So, here we go. . .
Friday, December 10, 2010
That went well. . .
I'm a bit tired, and might be a bit rambly, but here goes . . .
Yesterday I woke at 5:30AM and woke my partner to drive me up to the Transplant Center for my intake appointment. We ate breakfast and consumed large amounts of hot coffee while I packed enough stuff for me to do while waiting for various doctors for 4 hours.
He fought with the cars while I stood in the cold. One car is old, and we weren't going to take it, but the newer car was out of gas. So, we hopped in "Sweetness" (his name for his little blue Saturn), and off we went in rush hour traffic to Baltimore.
We did okay traffic-wise. We made it with only one hitch. For those of you who might read this who are actually going through this process in the John's Hopkins Transplant Center, the city of Baltimore in its infinite and ineffable wisdom has for some reason removed the street sign marking North Caroline street. That, of course, would be the street that the TC is located on. So, we went past it, turned aroound and finally found it. We parked and went in.
This is a BIG place. There are lots of people in it, and from my slightly panicked haze of perception, everyone of them knew exactly where they were going - and we didn't! We managed to find our way, and I got registered, and checked in. Some very nice woman took my vitals and led me to room D-1, and we sat.
First, the nurse came in, and she was nice. Her name was Beth, and she was very comforting and very encouraging. Then we met with the dietitian, who wasn't a total jackass (That's 2 now that I've met who weren't. Usually they tell me to lay off of the chips & dip - that I don't eat). After that the social worker came in and helped us figure out how much some of this post-op meds might cost. That was a very VERY sobering moment. We can do this, but its not going to be cheap.
And then we waited. . .
And waited. . .
And waited some more. . .
Then I saw the 2 doctors in rapid succession. They were both very nice, and explained the process to me in as great detail as they could.
The long & short of yesterday:
I'm not sick enough at this time for a kidney.
I AM an ideal candidate for a new pancreas, once I lose some weight.
They want me to lose weight & call them if I've done so in 6 months or so.
So, I'm going to start exercising again. I'd stopped b/c of being depressed about not being able to get below 215 no matter what I did. They can work with me at that weight.
I went to bed at 7:30pm last night. I slept for 12 hours and woke exhausted. Right now, I feel crammed full of information, and just plain emotionally drained from this.
But this was a good thing. There is hope. Its no longer just a hang-in-there-until-your-body-gives-out-and-you-die game. I might be able to get past this.
That's more frightening than I'd thought it be. Its also quite thrilling.
My mind is still reeling a bit.
Yesterday I woke at 5:30AM and woke my partner to drive me up to the Transplant Center for my intake appointment. We ate breakfast and consumed large amounts of hot coffee while I packed enough stuff for me to do while waiting for various doctors for 4 hours.
He fought with the cars while I stood in the cold. One car is old, and we weren't going to take it, but the newer car was out of gas. So, we hopped in "Sweetness" (his name for his little blue Saturn), and off we went in rush hour traffic to Baltimore.
We did okay traffic-wise. We made it with only one hitch. For those of you who might read this who are actually going through this process in the John's Hopkins Transplant Center, the city of Baltimore in its infinite and ineffable wisdom has for some reason removed the street sign marking North Caroline street. That, of course, would be the street that the TC is located on. So, we went past it, turned aroound and finally found it. We parked and went in.
This is a BIG place. There are lots of people in it, and from my slightly panicked haze of perception, everyone of them knew exactly where they were going - and we didn't! We managed to find our way, and I got registered, and checked in. Some very nice woman took my vitals and led me to room D-1, and we sat.
First, the nurse came in, and she was nice. Her name was Beth, and she was very comforting and very encouraging. Then we met with the dietitian, who wasn't a total jackass (That's 2 now that I've met who weren't. Usually they tell me to lay off of the chips & dip - that I don't eat). After that the social worker came in and helped us figure out how much some of this post-op meds might cost. That was a very VERY sobering moment. We can do this, but its not going to be cheap.
And then we waited. . .
And waited. . .
And waited some more. . .
Then I saw the 2 doctors in rapid succession. They were both very nice, and explained the process to me in as great detail as they could.
The long & short of yesterday:
I'm not sick enough at this time for a kidney.
I AM an ideal candidate for a new pancreas, once I lose some weight.
They want me to lose weight & call them if I've done so in 6 months or so.
So, I'm going to start exercising again. I'd stopped b/c of being depressed about not being able to get below 215 no matter what I did. They can work with me at that weight.
I went to bed at 7:30pm last night. I slept for 12 hours and woke exhausted. Right now, I feel crammed full of information, and just plain emotionally drained from this.
But this was a good thing. There is hope. Its no longer just a hang-in-there-until-your-body-gives-out-and-you-die game. I might be able to get past this.
That's more frightening than I'd thought it be. Its also quite thrilling.
My mind is still reeling a bit.
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